Pura Vida

I am on the flight from Costa Rica to the US. Today is such a bittersweet day. I’m sitting next to more people in this metal tube than I’ve encountered in the past month across a country. I’m listening to classical music I first discovered in Lake Arenal, that I listened to during countless hours pondering the mysteries of my consciousness.

I came to Costa Rica six months ago the day after a major argument with my wife. I was hurt and fragile and scared. I was also hopeful for a renewed purpose.

I could not expect the healing and nurturing I received from this beautiful land. I grew to know myself through the intentional application of psychedelics and exploration of my mind. I communed with nature in a way I never thought possible for myself. I grew my patience, my compassion, my empathy, and my capacity to love unconditionally.

I remember swimming in the infinity pool above Lake Arenal, listening to crying violins fielding me away to visions of my past. I found forgiveness in the moments between tears under the spell of plant medicine. Quietly, patiently, the winds guided me to humility.

I remember the stars above Dominical. We lived in beauty, a structure of wood and concrete and trinkets of a bohemian soul. I could live forever there, caught up in my lover’s arms, laughing under the sheets at our good fortune, staring at the sunset sky as it weeps a million colors of tropical flowers.

I remember becoming Gods in Montezuma. We found joy in the everlasting now. We found forgiveness in the quiet space between our calm hearts and racing minds. We finally understood that our suffering came from getting in our own way. That to be human and to be God are two sides of the same coin, and that anything but pure and utter joy is too heavy a price to pay.

I remember the clouds above Monteverde. They spoke of hidden dreams, shadowing a solemn tree standing guard in the distance. New friends with old souls shared their energy and poetry while we drank of grandmother Ayahuasca. I remember the revelations, the connections between patience and pain, the sharing with my mother where I could finally grok her immeasurable love.

I remember the waters of Playa del Coco. They were filled with unspoken treasures, of knowledge and skills that awaited the patient practitioner of the sea. I remember the deep blue of Cocos Island, teeming with life and adventure. I could get lost in the magic of that place. I could surrender to its currents, drifting to hidden multitudes.

I remember the coconut trees and trails of Corcovado. I found peace there, a vision of the future from my not so distant past. There was a quiet I’ve never felt before, lending me the emptiness to reflect and space to be patient. I grew so much as the fields around me sang. I will be forever grateful for this gift.

I am now a scuba dive master. I feel the strength of mastery and the depths of curiosity. I feel proud to have challenged the seas and to be its gracious witness. I swam with sharks, whales, rays, and thousands of gleaming fish. I watched my love overcome her fear of water, to love the oceans herself, and to scream in childish glee at the sight of dolphins passing by. I am so proud to earn Divemaster with her.

I’ve learned the language of Nonviolent Communication. I’m practicing the art of crafting a joyous and rewarding marriage built on a strong and undying friendship. I am treading the path of forgiveness, of myself, of my father, of my mother, and my wife. I am so excited for the future present filled to the brim with understanding and love, for all whom I love and for myself.

I’ve discovered and nurtured friendships that I will cherish for life: friends who inspire me to be better, who challenge me to be more, who give me insights to lives I could lead if I had the fortitude to do so. Thank you to all my new and wonderful friends who have sheltered me, fed me, shared their vulnerabilities, and leapt into adventure with me. I shall never forget you. I shall be a good friend to you forevermore.

I’m returning “home”, though the idea of home is more elusive than ever. I have a renewed energy… a knowing of myself I never thought was missing and a curiosity for what the future brings.

Thank you, Costa Rica, for giving me your vitality, your energy, and your incredible beauty. Costa Rica will always be a home for me, too. Pura Vida.